Hey yall, I am BACK!
For the first time in a very, very long time, years honestly, I am officially NOT underweight, and I think it’s about time I celebrated!! I feel fan-fucking-tastic.
You see, if you’ve been following me for a while, someone out there is groaning right now, like fuck, Carissa is trying to get healthy again? But it’s real this time, it’s STUCK this time, it’s been almost 2 months since I got really serious about myself, and whether you’re new here or not, let me give you a little background on why I’m trying to gain weight and be healthy.
For most of my life growing up, I have struggled with illness. And in 2015, very shortly after my youngest was born, my ovarian and internal issues had come back, and I’d opted for a partial hysterectomy surgery as a way to fight it and thrive.
It was a shitty year, but I got through it, and in April 2016 I was all cleared of the BIG C and for the first time in a long time, deemed “healthy” and good to carry on with my life.
I was in bad shape though, I had lost a ton of weight directly after a tough pregnancy, I was struggling to keep food down, I was depressed, sleepy, and really didn’t FEEL like I was healthy.
As the years went on and life got really hectic and crazy for me, I had gotten stuck in this yucky cycle of, I feel weak, my body doesn’t stomach food well, I have to take it easy, I won’t force myself, I don’t feel good, I need to rest, and that spiraled into something I felt like I couldn’t get out of.
I have always struggled with weight, but by 2020 I was at my thinnest. 106lbs usually, sometimes closer to 100lbs, at 5’7. If you really looked at me, my bones all stuck out, I was very frail, I had stopped running, or doing really any physical activity minus light yoga and small hikes with my kids, and I was basically working from a chair all day long and “resting” when I felt unwell.
I also tried everything over the years. All the fads. All the stuff that IS supposed to help. All the tricks. I tried health products and direct sales supplements and binge eating eggs and drinking double shakes taking triple multi vitamins and nothing worked. (I didn’t take triple vitamins. Stop freaking out.)
It took a longer time than I’d like to admit, but here I am, admitting it, that this was now more in my head than it was actually in my body by this past year or two, and that I was struggling with FOOD and pushing myself more than I was actually still “sick or frail” or whatever excuse I was buying.
**Side note. It’s important that you all know that I am kind and love myself and understand that yes, there was a time when I was sick and frail, and that was OK. It was OK to rest then. I am 5 years healthy now, and now it’s time to live. I realize the difference in myself.
In December and then into January I had to step back from my business, from social media, from a lot of things, and focus on myself and my children for our mental health. I’d had another health scare that turned out to be nothing serious, everyone was struggling, and we needed something to give. In the past few years I’ve actually had a number of health scares that have turned out to be nothing more (THANK THE STARS) than my body crying out for help. It’s time I listened.
I reached out for help. To my doctor. To a nutritionist. To a coach and trainer. I asked for help.
I started paying attention to what I was putting in my body. I started ordering from some healthy meal prep places and local businesses that allowed me to make better, plant based whole food choices for my kids and I. (Plant based = whole foods. I get down with bacon). And I promise you, as a single momma of 3, I found ways to do it on a budget, AND worked it out in such a way that it’s cheaper than McDonalds.
I started learning about the foods I was putting into my body. When. How much. I found out how much I SHOULD be eating, what I should be eating, and found ways to stick with it.
And I actually started to move my ass. Get physical. Lift weights, every day, not just groceries and kids, and put my body into motion. I worked up a sweat. And some days, I fucking hate it.
But I keep doing it. For the first time in my life I’ve stuck with getting myself together, healthier, stronger, better, and begun to see real changes in my body.
My energy is way better. I sleep better. I don’t see my ribs poking out everywhere. I’m starting to like exercise a lot more. I’ve gained 7lbs!! Yes!! I HAVE AN ASS! I eat better. I LOVE what I see in the mirror, I can't stop looking at the changes in my body. I’ve created some major habits in my life that are getting easier and easier to stick with. And not only are my kids noticing too, but they’re getting on board with my crazy changes too, helping me meal prep and sometimes even getting out the yoga matt with me.
When the lock down first happened last year, honestly, it broke me. But it wasn’t JUST the lock down. I wasn’t in a great place mentally, and that’s OK. I was also facing AN ENORMOUS amount of struggle. Injured kid, broken leg, flooded basement, loss of my past partner and best friend, injured eye, alone with 3 kids, running my own business, online school, wait when did I eat and shower last?
But the last few months have taught me better discipline, which I am working on every day, and it’s helping ALL areas of my life run better, smoother, happier. I STILL have tough days, off days, I still order McDonald’s, but my mental health is better. My physical health is better. And I am handling my bad days better and better. Discipline is helping make the difference between hitting snooze and moving my ass, the difference between a quick snack and a healthy dinner, the difference between talking like shit about myself, and loving myself. Discipline is what is going to help my business thrive this year, what's going to push myself into the light and get my books on those best seller lists, while I dive into coaching and helping others.
I’m focusing hard on my mental health and taking care of myself better now, because I deserve to. That’s why I disappeared off social media for a little over a month, that’s why I’m making so many changes, and that’s why I’m not going to stop. It’s time to rise from the ashes baby, the Phoenix is back, Lady Mack style. I’m chasing that What Would Wonder Woman Do motto I love so much.
Small steps, small change, small magic, that’s shit I deserve to be proud of, that’s shit YOU deserve to be proud of, every step, every single one along the way! Celebrate you baby!
I’ve been creating so much magic lately, and I cannot wait to see what wonderful things I can do when I’m feeling on top of the world! Stay tuned for some exciting updates for St. Valentine’s day soon!
And eat your veggies and drink your water! Do something amazing for your future self, you will love and thank yourself for it later, I promise! Sometimes that’s all that gets me through a tough moment, a tough work out, a tough meal decision, a tough alarm clock siren at a stupid hour, is that my future self is going to feel sooo good about this, and have one hell of a yummy looking ass. Haha. Do it for the ass.
All my love,
Author Carissa McIntyre,
Lady Mack Xo
I can't decide what photo I like better. You can decide ;)