Where Did All Of These Hats Come From??

I’ll tell you where all these hats came from. They’re mine. Stupid. No, not you. Me, I’m stupid, for having all these hats. I mean, I’m not, because I’m trying to be kind to myself, so fine, I’m ridiculous. These hats are ridiculous. Drowning in HATS is stupid.

That's better.

Yup, all these babies are mine. All of these hats. Some of them I made. Pretty proud of them too. Some of them I bought. I saw them and thought hell yeah, that’s the hat for me. It doesn’t matter that I already have some hats. I need more.

Some of them I saw other people wearing and I thought, I like that. That hat would go really well with the other 15 hats I’m wearing.

Some were given to me. And I put them on and I thought, ok, I could probably wear this sometime too.

Some aren’t even hats. Like, they’re just, THINGS on my head that I think resemble hats, but they’re not really hats at all, they’re just, THINGS ON MY HEAD. Piling up the weight. Trying to look good. Trying to HELP??

There are so many hats here. They’re everywhere.

In case you haven’t figured it out right now, I’m not talking about hats. Or, I am, but I’m talking about them metaphorically. At least I think that’s the word for it. I’d look it up, but then I’d have to go get another hat out, and I’m already wearing 3.

Or 6.

I think.

Maybe one fell off.

As humans, we are already guilty of wearing too many hats. Life is exciting. Everything is future focused. We have busy lives and shit to do. Plus, it’s the HoLiDaYs.

On top of that, single parents have a lot of hats to wear, by choice and not by choice. There is a lot to running a household and raising babies. Many hats get put on. Some stay forever. Some get cluttered with other hats and topple off. Sometimes, you’re wearing OTHER people’s hats.

And then, as an entrepreneur, oooooh. Let me tell you. We want to do ALL THE THINGS AND WE WANT TO DO THEM RIGHT NOW AND WE ALSO WANT TO DO THE THING WE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT UNTIL 30 SECONDS AGO AND SOMETIMES WE WANT TO DO THAT OTHER THING AND WE WANT TO SEE IF WE LIKE WHAT THEY’RE DOING AND ONE DAY WE REALLY WANT TO TRY THIS.

And.

Then.

There’s this fun thing we’re going through called covid and let me tell you every time I think I have a new hat planned to wear, the fucking wind takes it right off my head. I could duct tape that bad boy down and tie strap it. It’s gone. Byyyyyyyeeee.

The other day I wanted to throw all of my hats away. At least, a lot of them. Especially the ones that don’t look good on me anymore. Or the ones I hate wearing. Or the ones I didn’t ask to wear in the first place. I deserve to look good, right? Get rid of this ugly hat! I joke. Kind of.

Mostly, I got to thinking that I can and should keep a lot of these hats, but I just can’t wear a lot of them right now. Because it’s exhausting. And not possible. Unrealistic. And not good for my soul.

Because there is no real stability for so many of us right now. No consistency. No true way to plan for the future. Living day to day wondering what’s next, what’s going to go wrong, what’s going to fall apart. Will anything go right?

Many of us have been living in fight or flight for so long, our bodies are not going to be the same for a very long time. Healing is going to be a full time process.

That’s me. I’m her.

Someone who is never going to be the same after this. And who is constantly trying to change to figure out how to go with the change. Wearing hat over hat under hat trying to keep it all afloat. Maybe another hat will help.

I am slowly, reluctantly, but with the knowledge that it’s best, putting some hats away for now.

Because some of them just cannot be worn well in this uncertain limbo. And, that sucks. But, it’s freeing to feel a little less weight on my head.

And some of these hats can thrive, they fit well and snug and I love wearing them no matter what environment they’re placed on my head.

Not many, but some.

I will blossom in the ways that I can. Wear the hats that fit well. Focus on taking things with grace. And pouring the self love into myself.

Living in limbo, living in fight or flight for so long, living in uncertainty, takes a toll on us. It’s time to love ourselves a lot extra. We deserve it.

So, goodbye but not forever, so many, many hats. You may collect dust for a while, but rest assured, one day, when the time is right, I can blow that dust off, place a few of you back upon my head, feel fancy, and make extra big magick happen with you.

For now, I still have more than a few to wear, but they fit well, they look good, and they’ve got a little magick of their own.

If you are like me, and chances are, you are, my hope for the holiday season, going into 2022, with all this uncertainty and hardships, with blessings and grace, is that you take a good look at those hats you are wearing. Take a few off. Let the weight go. You don’t have to get rid of them. But make sure the hats you are wearing are appropriate for your situation, and give yourself the love and permission you need to set a few on the shelf for now.


All my love,

Author Carissa McIntyre,

Lady Mack Xo




#selflove #selfcare #ladymackxo #personalgrowth #newyear #goals #mentalhealth

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