I know, I know, the title of my blog sounds like something out of a cheesy high school romance movie, but I assure you, Ii says sex AND cars, not sex IN cars. And if you bare with me, I think ya'll may really like this one..
**And yes, as a side note, I am well aware I am a mechanics daughter, and some of this may very well stem from that, but hey, we are what we are, and we know what we know, right? By the end of this I will show you that you can apply this same concept I'm about to talk about, to your knitting. Or your singing. Or painting. Or working with a big piece of machinery. Or whatever it is that you can do so well now, that once, you couldn't do worth shit. Read on. Please.
I remember well the first times I ever got behind the wheel of a car. Wow. What a feeling. I was filled with so many emotions, from nervousness, to excitement, to uncertainty, so unsure of myself, so unknowledgeable, so eager to GO. You can read about something 100 times, and take practical tests, but it's not the same thing as truly DOING something.
I sat behind that wheel, and put my hands at 10 and 2. Feet on the pedals and the floor. Eyes on the road. Wait, don't I have to look in my mirrors, and my blind spots? Shit. I have to take my eyes off the road in front of me to do that. Oh no, it's raining. Where the hell is the wiper switch? What are all these buttons for? I can't concentrate on driving with the music so loud and everyone talking, please be quiet. WHAT ARE ALL THESE BUTTONS FOR?? AND WHY IS THAT GOD DAMN LIGHT ON?? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF!!
Lol... Ok, maybe I wasn't this bad, and maybe you weren't either, but you get my point.
Now, if you've been driving for many years, and you're an adult who makes this pretty much a daily habit; you're no longer a rookie teen with a new license, but a full grown adult, maybe mid 30s, mid 40s, give or take, this is no longer a challenge for you. Driving has become autopilot. And most days, you're driving down the highway, maybe a few clicks over the speed limit, music blaring, window down, smoking, eating, drinking coffee, maybe you've got kids, and you're a master at passing something to a grumpy toddler or holding a bottle for a baby while steering with one hand, or maybe your knee.. (ya'll.. don't yell at ME lol, I am well aware my blog just violated a dozen traffic laws in your state, I'm just trying to make a point lol, DON'T DO THESE THINGS LOL) and I PROMISE YOU, AT LEAST ONE TIME IN YOUR ADULT LIFE, you have pulled into your driveway, your place of work, your best friends or your parents house, put your car into park, and went, WHAT THE FUCK. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER DRIVING HERE.
But you DID! You even used your turn signals, watched out for other cars, and didn't drive over any old ladies crossing the street to do so. You know driving so well, inside and out, that it's become something you went from sweating buckets over, to LETTING YOUR BODY TAKE OVER AND DO WHAT YOU TAUGHT IT TO DO. You don't even have to think about it anymore.
I know someone in my audience just put two and two together, and I love you for sticking with me here lol.
Do you remember the first time that you ever had sex? I bet you do. How did you feel there, Rockstar? Super confident? Capable of all the moves? Did you know how your body worked, what you liked, the basics of pleasing another person, WERE YOU EVEN COMFORTABLE TAKING OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE?? lol.
I rest my case.
The big problem with sex, with our bodies, with our physical relationships with ourselves and with others, is that so many people haven't taken the time to truly learn their own skills, their own likes and dislikes, and what their bodies are truly capable of.
Masturbation and sex are shunned, mistaught, and hushed about right from the get go. We develop ideas based on what we see around us growing up, what type of relationship our parents have, or don't have, we are influenced from very young to believe, think, react, and behave a certain way towards many aspects in life, and SEX, our bodies, relationships and how to connect with others is massively affected by those things.
So, MANY people grow into these adults who don't really understand their body, aren't comfortable with it, aren't confident about what they like, and their sex life is kinda dull. They have trouble communicating, so they aren't tell their partner what they like, so they settle for being unsatisfied. They have no idea what their body is capable of doing, so they CAN'T tell their partner how to please them. Hell, there are people in this world who have NEVER HAD AN ORGASM, and shy of a real medical condition for that, that's simply because you don't know your body, and YOUR MIND, especially if you're a woman, you are uncomfortable, or your partner doesn't know how to properly please you.
As you grow, and evolve, sex should be like driving a car. You should know yourself inside and out, the same way you can drive now. You should know how to work your body and know what you want and what you like, so that you're free to, oh, I don't know, figure out what to finally do with your hands? Or to fiddle with those buttons lol. So that you can move yourself into positions you want, so that you can feel comfortable telling someone to touch you a little lower, softer, harder, to use toys or to dress up like fucking superman, I don't know what your kink is, but I support you figuring it out!
I want you to know how to switch your buttons on, I want you to know why that light comes on sometimes ;) and know what kinky weekend plans to make for yourself to please it. I want you to be so comfortable with your body, driving your car, that when someone else gets in, you don't panic like you do the first time a passenger got in your vehicle, and start sweating buckets panicking in your head like "where do I put my hands again, why are they touching my radio??" You're going to drive that bitch like you do on autopilot, so you can turn to the person beside you and see what they like to listen to ;)
And if you're picking up what I am putting down here, firstly, if you don't drive, I promise you can apply this to something else. Do you crochet for a living? I bet when you first started, you screwed up a lot, and yelled at someone if they talked to you when you were trying to count stitches, or whatever those are called lol. Now, hell, you're crocheting while watching your favorite show, your best friends on speaker phone and you're yelling at your cat / husband / kids in the background, while not spilling coffee on yourself. Look at you go!
Take that concept and apply it to yourself and your sex life. Now.
Not sure where to start? You start with yourself. This isn't going to be something you're going to figure out over night. I am a very open minded almost 33 year old woman and I am STILL evolving. But you have to start somewhere, and you have to start with you.
There is no shame in your body, pleasing your body, and getting to know yourself. Just like you want to know your driving skills, you want to know your sexual skills. Spend some time alone with yourself, do some research, watch a porn or two, or four, hit up a local adult boutique where you can talk to knowledgeable open individuals who can help you figure somethings out.
Seriously. Give that some thought.
If we could all grow and develop into healthy, sexually educated adults who know their bodies, are comfortable with what they want, who they are, and aren't afraid to ask for it, imagine how much happier SO MANY people would be?
There's my Sex and Cars talk for the day. I hope you enjoyed ;)
Lady Mack, Author Carissa McIntyre xoxo