Life is funny, isn't it?
Yesterday I planned to write you guys a blog about my much needed break from writing, and then I ended up spending the entire day cleaning up chaos. Oh yes, utter chaos lol.
I woke just after 4am yesterday to the sound of my Christmas tree crashing to the ground, ornament shattering everywhere, water and sap all over my living room.
Oh, what a mess.
I tied the thing up too, but not well. And I was not prepared for the size or the weight of my tree. I was so grateful to receive this amazing tree from my father, but hell if I am still not struggling with this whole, asking for help thing, especially now, when I feel like I should have my life together and should be strong and independent. I was in the homeless shelter last year, so my life should be perfect now, right?
Wrong. And I don't know where or why I formed that opinion. Maybe because I got a lot of help last year, when I really needed it or something, but this year, help has literally made me feel sick to my stomach. I am working on this.
So that damn tree came down, and not once, not twice, but 4 fucking times. We lost a lot of our special ornaments, and most of the new lights I bought this year.
But by last night, everything came together as it always does. I cried a lot. I sought for a lesson in it all. I found many. I made some mental decisions, that I plan to stick with going forward, and I got some help. I have some of the most incredible people in my life.
I asked for help, I received it, and I am grateful for it.
And let me tell you something I learned from THAT, before I get on with the point of this whole blog in the first place. One of the biggest goals I have in my life is to be so settled and secure that I am able to give and give back freely. To everyone and everything and every cause I feel worthy. I'm going to help struggling single moms and donate endless amounts to the shelters and help inspire and motivate and lead women and people to live better lives. And you know what? I don't want people to feel bad, or yucky, or sick about needing or receiving my help, because I will be doing it with love and from the goodness of my heart. And I know for a fact that the people in my life who help me, do so with love and kindness.
I need to realize that.
It's ok to ask for help ya'll. I knew in my soul I needed help last year, and I reached out and got it. I may not need the SAME help now, but I still need help in my life, and that's ok.
It's ok to need help your entire life. You can be independent and secure and still need help. Because sometimes help isn't financial. Sometimes help is a hug, or someone to listen to you, or someone to support your decisions.
I had more I wanted to write with this blog, in fact, if my Christmas tree hadn't come down yesterday, I would have wrote and entirely different blog, and I feel that's ok. The point of this blog, of the original blog, was that I am going to be taking a bit of a hard core focused writing break, and bring you some new things, as WELL as new books in 2019, but I think I am going to write that out in a new blog tomorrow.
I feel, even if for one person, hell even if just for me, there's a lesson here in this blog, and it's going to stand alone.
Thanks for reading along everyone! I appreciate every single one of you, and thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for all your love, kind words and encouragement on my social media posts yesterday as I ran through the emotions of my crazy Tree Crashing day. I m so very grateful that I'm making changes, and starting to see things differently, look for lessons, and apply them to my life.
Do what's best for you, and your soul. Even if it's asking for help, or reaching out, or making yourself uncomfortable. There is no shame in growing and loving.
Peace be with you all my friends. And stay tuned this week for some new blogs!
Enjoy this beautiful holiday season!
Author Carissa McIntyre xoxo
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
How Beautiful You Were To Me..
How Could You Do This To Me...
I Really Need More Caffeine...