Listening to my soul is HARD. It's something that's fairly new for me, over the last few years, and something I am still working on learning every single day.
For most of my life, I never listened to my soul at all. Feelings, wants, desires, cravings, whatever I TRULY desired deep down inside, I always back burnered or never bothered with at all.
And that doesn't mean that I didn't do things I wanted to, I've done lots of amazing things in my life that I wanted to do, but those are the superficial things.
I'm talking about the BIG things in life. Work. Love. Money. Dreams.
Do you know how long I have wanted to be a writer for? My entire life. Literally. I can remember being in pre-school, pretending to be April O'Neil from the Ninja Turtles, except I was reporting the news as a journalist, not a newscaster.
And do you know how old I was when I actually listened to my soul, and started to WRITE, with an actual end date in mind, with the desire to finally PUBLISH my first book? 30 damn years old.
My soul has craved for so many things in my life that I either didn't believe were possible, or didn't believe I was even deserving or worthy of.
I stayed in numerous relationships that were toxic, unhealthy, abusive, because I didn't believe I was worth better, even though my soul was crying out for more. Even though I knew I wasn't truly being loved.
It took becoming homeless with 4 children before I finally sat down with my soul and listened, and realized how fucking unhappy and broken I really was. How unsafe my life had become. How much needed to change.
It took being completely broke and not having two pennies to rub together, not being able to provide milk for my kids, to realize I was killing myself for jobs and careers and sales that weren't for me.
Over the last two years, I have sat with my soul a lot. It's been scary. Liberating. Exciting. Heartbreaking. It's been a lot of things, but mostly, it's been life changing.
Slowly, I am starting to realize more and more, than I am WORTH it, I am LOVED, and that my life is that. MY LIFE. And I only get one.
The mistakes I have made in the past, the struggles I have been through, the darkness I have raised from, that's ok. I accept that. I forgive myself, I forgive those around me. I am ready for new.
I am realizing that every day is new. And every day I get a chance, a real chance, to follow my dreams, to make my soul happy, to live a good life.
I truly believe in myself now. In really wild ways. I'm GOING to become a best selling author. I will write incredibly amazing, erotic, sexy romance novels.
I may very well turn my Lady Mack brand into a whole BRAND. Right now, my soul wants to educate people sexually. To inspire people. To help other women. To write. To give my children the absolute best life possible. I want to LIVE.
And it's time to listen to my soul, every moment, every day.
If you are struggling, if you are in a dark place, if you feel lost, stuck, unloved, unworthy...
This is not the end.
There is a hope for you yet, because if you sit and LISTEN to your soul.. it will show you the way. And just like the Phoenix, you will RISE from the ashes just like I did.
You are a survivor.
And your story is important.
We are ALL IMPORTANT. WORTHY. LOVED.
Believe it. Your soul does.
That's my words of love for the day, I am going back to rest. To heal. I hope this blog resonates with someone, somewhere. I wrote this for you.
Much Love, MUCH LOVE!
Author Carissa McIntyre xoxo