Intimacy without Sex - Spice Up Your Life
With so much happening right now... the approaching holidays, the hustle and bustle of the changing seasons, the cold of winter, and February / March being the highest in the months of divorce and break up rates, it seems like a fitting time for this blog. I have been working on a compilation of tips, tricks, ideas and little ways you can show your partner (or hell, yourself, because I'm all about the self love baby) that you love and appreciate them, and hopefully bring some joy, love and sparks into your relationship. And none of these revolve around sex, sorry fellas. But I really encourage you all to read on, and maybe we can learn and grow and help each other :)
Don't get me wrong, I know I myself am a highly affectionate person, and I love me some lovely dovey kissy facing (haha, and I'm an adult author), but appreciating your partner is so much more than just making them feel loved with physical love.
Most of us, even if we don't say it out loud, or even show it (because maybe we don't know how) enjoy feeling loved and appreciated by our partners. We don't need big, large grand gestures to be cared for, because there are so many little ways to make someone feel special that mean a whole lot more than money or extravagant presents.
Can you think back on the last time someone made you feel really good, or the last thing that you received that made you light up inside? Chances are, it was probably something that didn't cost anyone an arm and a leg, because it was the fact that they had been thinking about you and wanted to do something for you that meant the most to you.
This even applies if it was something that you did for yourself, because for a lot of this, it's either really thought out because we never spoil ourselves, a reward for doing something amazing, or on an impulse because you needed a pick me up...
Think about those little things that really make you happy, or that really picked your mood or your day up, and you can apply those to your current life or your partner as well :)
Do you want to know one random thing I have always love to do with my kids? (Well, these days I can only do it for Gabby, I can no longer get away with doing it for my big teens/preteens haha) I used to hide special little notes in their lunch bags before school, or in their bags or coat pockets etc. Just a little something sweet to let them know that I was thinking about them, or to wish them a great day, or to add a little cheer on a rough morning/for a big event etc. If your partner packs a lunch, or brings something to work with them, hiding something along inside for that midday break is a great way to surprise them with a reminder that you love them.
After a really rough day, I love to relax. Food is one of my favorite comforts, but if I can share a secret with you guys, I hate to cook. Seriously. It sucks. Ordering in my favorite meal, or having someone cook for me is a fantastic way to feel cared for in a way that makes me know that someone took to time to know what actually makes me feel good.
The list of those small ideas is endless. Do they enjoy a favorite snack? Stock up on it and tuck it in to an exciting hiding spot. Play their favorite music for them in the car (you know, just in case all you guys thought I was going to talk about was food HAHA), or when they arrive home from work. Have someone come in to clean. Pick up that little trinket or knick knack you see that has their name all over it. Is it junk? Maybe. But the love behind it makes so many random things priceless. Do they read? Borrow the next must read on their list from the library. (Yup, the library still exists folks. It's one of my favorite places!!)
Physical touch is AMAZING for most people. NOT SEX. Physical touch. Epic. Play with your partners hair. Give them a massage. One that doesn't end with you humping their backside and trying for a quickie. That goes for you too ladies ;) Run their hands, feet or legs after a long day of work. Rub their ears. Oh heaven, yes. Find the spots that make their toes curl. And KEEP your clothes on. I mean, maybe you won't, but I'm trying to help here lol.
Watch the kids, pets, etc. or mind your partners responsibilities for a while to let them have some time to themselves. Maybe they need a hot bath drawn up, maybe they need to go for a run, maybe your partner needs to blast some music and go scream out into the woods on a full moon. Get down with that shit. Support them and give them some time to live. They will APPRECIATE you! I promise.
And when I say help mind the responsibilities y'all, I mean that. Mind the responsibilities. Wash the dishes. Clean the house. Put away the laundry. Pick up some slack.
Buy or pick them some flowers. Is that cheesy or cliché? Only if you do it on St. Valentine's Day. Most people would really enjoy a fresh Daisey on a random Tuesday as a pick me up.
WRITE YOUR PARTNER A LOVE LETTER. YES. DO THIS!! ALL OF THIS!! It costs you NOTHING and it could be something that drastically changes your relationship. This is actually still a thing, and as a shameless plug, ask me about a cheap workshop that can help you create a lovely letter for your partner.. or yourself.
Buy them a "just because" gift. I am going to repeat what I said in the beginning, it does NOT need to be anything expensive, but if you want to, show off! The sky is the limit really when it comes to a just because gift. Just, please DO NOT wait until a holiday or a special occasion to do this. There is honestly nothing more special then something on a random Tuesday, just because you were thinking about them. Or yourself.
Take them away somewhere. Again, this doesn't have to be an expensive Jamaican holiday, but if that works for you, why not? Personally, I have bucket list places I want to see that are within an hours drive from where I live, and cost next to nothing.. maybe some gas or a picnic lunch. Brainstorm a little bit about the person you love.. what do THEY love? What makes them tick? What makes them smile, makes their whole world light up? Get creative. Hell, ask their friends or family if you must.
You know what else is a really nice gesture, that costs you absolutely NOTHING? Tell them how much you appreciate them. Tell them right to their face. Maybe when they first wake up. Send them a sweet text message. Leave them a lovely voice mail. I'm not talking about "hey beautiful" here, I'm talking about letting your partner know in words just how much they mean to you. And maybe WHY you love them, why they mean so much to you. Something that makes them feel special.
There are so, SO many ways that you can make your partner, or yourself, feel special, feel important, feel appreciated, that really have absolutely nothing to do with sex, or telling them how beautiful they are. These all apply to yourself too, and honestly, these little things can help greatly improve your relationships.
And I can think of countless others, and hopefully, the wheels are turning for you too.
Start a journal together. Take a paint night class. Stay in, pop some popcorn, watch their favorite movie and give them a massage. Play some board games or have a trivia night together. Try out a new sport together. Take a long walk in the woods.
Find what sets your partners soul on fire, and find a way to give that to them, and maybe share it together.
Thank you for reading friends. I hope this touched someone, helped someone, brought some ideas and a spark back into your relationship, even with yourself.
If you have any other ideas, I would absolutely love to hear them!!
Have the most wonderful day my friends,
Thanks for reading,
Author Carissa McIntyre,
Lady Mack xo
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