Ah, spring. A time of renewal, rebirth, freshness... it is a time in life that speaks directly to my Phoenix soul.
Now, before I get started, I will add that yes, I am in Canada, and I am well aware we haven't had our 4th winter yet, (side note, is it our 4th? I've lost count) and there is still plenty of opportunity for snow, but there is no denying that spring is on it's way, and most days, there is certainly a feel of it in the air.
Spring holds a special place in my heart and soul, and they aren't always the best times and memories, but there are there nonetheless.
And those feelings and remembrances are awakened by the changing of the seasons, as winter slowly thaws and spring emerges from the frozen wasteland of yesterday, ready for a warmth and a beautiful tomorrow.
Animals begin to arise from hibernation and stretch their limbs, searching for food. Birds fly home. Flowers, leaves and grass begin to bloom from cracked soil, and life starts over again, anew.
And spring to me, holds a similar meaning in my own life.
I spent the winter of 2016-17 in a bad depression, faking my way through everything, totally miserable and not being a great mother. My relationship was falling apart, it grew toxic and hostile, I felt stuck and optionless.
In April of 2017 we received a final eviction notice, and I cracked. I was broken, defeated and completely lost. I didn't know what I was doing with my life, where I was going, or even where to turn next.
So I turned to the women's shelter in my town in May 2017, with 4 kids, and left everything, including the old me behind, and started fresh, started anew.
But those first two years though, wow, what a struggle. I honestly don't know if I would have pushed so hard if it hadn't been for my kids, for the people around me who supported me, believed in me.... YOU guys. I am every so grateful for your shoulders to lean on... to cry my tears on. Starting over ain't easy ya'll. I won't sugar coat that.
I was a mess, and I am still healing, but back then, I had a long road to go. My kids needed therapy. They needed me. I needed therapy. I was finding myself again. Learning to love myself all over again. Learning to TRUST myself, to trust life, to trust what I truly wanted inside. LOVING myself again, who I was.
And all while raising my 3 kids alone, and well, trying to write novels and build this crazy empire of mine lol. Trail and erroring my way through my first year of a real business.
And in the end, we are here. Spring 2019. I made it, I did it! I've made it though, reborn like the Phoenix, starting my life fresh, renewed, feeling FREE, myself, happy, healthy, focused, secure, ready! I am more determined and have more drive right now more than ever!
I am embracing this spring, this change of seasons, this new growth, this new chapter, with arms, mind, and soul wide open.
If you are feeling defeated, buried, stuck, brought down, maybe this spring could be the beginning of your restart too. There is a whole new life waiting for you out there, and I promise you, it's worth the fight!
All my love friends,
Author Carissa McIntyre xoxo