Hello friends! Wow, I have missed you all so much! I have really missed everything that was such a big part of my business for so long. Interacting with ya'll and being active on social media, making videos and funny posts, and damn, have I ever missed the amount of writing I used to do. There's been so much that I've missed, but this has been a time of rest and healing for me, and for once, seriously, I have been enjoying the downtime.
If you are on my social media accounts or my mailing list, you may have saw that about 4 weeks ago now I broke my foot. And this was like, on top of a really rough few months of depression and family troubles and health struggles and losing someone I love.
I felt that snap into my soul. I swear, I can still hear it. My son and I were playing ball in the yard, and we both dived for the ball and went over my ankle. Instant pain. I hobbled to the kids play house and sat down on the stairs and asked my son if maybe we stepped on a stick and broke it, since I heard something that sure sounded like a piece of wood just crack in half. He said no. I knew it was my foot.
I also knew it was time for me to take a big step back from everything (metaphorically obviously, ha ha) and use this time to heal. Not just my foot, but my soul, my heart, everything. And I know I have taken healing breaks before, but this one felt different. This was a literal break that I had to heal, following a lot of personal struggles, and roughly 60 days in a quarantine situation alone with 3 kids. I was not in my best state. I was in a fog of depression and sadness, grieving over the death of someone I loved with all my heart, feeling stuck and frustrated and mad and so very alone.
I was so much not in a good state that the day after I broke my foot, I made a big "to do while my foot is broken" list and actually thought I was going to complete it.
Talk about not practicing what I preach. Like not even the little tiniest bit.
Stars help me, when this quarantine started, I really had some big plans. Some really huge expectations on myself for what I thought I was going to accomplish during this "time at home with my children". I should have known better, the very next morning after the stay at home order started on March 13th, Friday of course, when my youngest split her damn head open. Oh yes, sure, the world is going into a panic pandemic and I need to take my 4 year old in to the hospital over a stupid freak accident. (She hit her own self in the head with a swing. You would have thought someone scripted the whole thing. Fuck) After that, it was one thing after another. And that was just in my own personal bubble. Every time I turn my phone on, there are more world issues and violence and fighting and troubles in my community all the way across the globe. This is a scary time.
So maybe all these big aspirations and dreams I had didn't quite plan out that way I had first thought. I know I am absolutely not alone in that state of mind, and that's perfectly OK. None of us really knew what challenges and fights lie ahead of us a few months back, and we still really don't know what's going to happen in the months ahead.
So what, I didn't write my next best selling novel already? Did I write at all? Yes, yes I did. I wrote some really sad, depressing stuff while I was in some darker mental places. I journaled. I wrote out my pain and wet the pages with my tears. I let it out, which s what I really needed to do. And that was healing. And also, writing.
So what, I didn't learn some fancy new homemaker skill, or cook a bunch of tasty new recipes and pass that knowledge onto my kids? We have learned patience together, we have come together as a family to help one another and make things work. We have grown closer in our love. We have learned more compassion. We have been creative and stretched our imaginations while growing as a family. And we have cooked a lot of easy family meals together. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
There is also something to be said about seriously injuring myself in the midst of a world panic. Ya'll, I have some of the most incredible and thoughtful and caring people in my life. From the bottom of my heart, I love you, and thank you.
So that's me and my updated news in a nutshell. Not my business news, I'll have to write another blog on some exciting changes happening in the future, but not yet.
Right now, I'm in ashes. I really love this analogy, and I'm going to continue to share it, because it applies to a lot of people, and someone reading this needs to hear it.
A Phoenix can only soar for so long. Eventually, it's going to burn itself into a bright flame, a roaring fire and dissolve into ashes. And in the ashes, we will rest. Heal. Make changes. Find strength. When we are ready, we will spark, and then rise and soar once more.
The world is a scary, strange place right now. If you are hurting, stay in the ashes, ask for help, reach out, and be ok with not being ok, if that's the case. Because right now, many people are just not ok. I am sending all my love. You matter. You are important.
Author Carissa McIntyre,
Lady Mack xo